Check on Your Strong Friend (Yes, Especially Her): Because We All Need a Little Grace
Black women are known for their strength. We are often the ones everyone leans on. We juggle careers, families, and everything in between, often with a smile and an "I got this" attitude. But what happens when the strong friend needs a little support herself? What happens when the rock starts to feel a little… shaky?
It's easy to assume that the woman who always has it together is, well, always together. We see her handling everything with grace and ease, and we think, "She's good. She doesn't need me to check in." But that's the thing about strong friends: they're often so good at holding it together that we miss the subtle signs that they might be struggling.
We've all heard the saying, "Check on your strong friends." But how often do we actually do it? And how often do we go beyond the surface level "How are you?" to really delve into what's going on?
As Black women 45+, we've seen a lot, we've experienced a lot, and we carry a lot. We're navigating hormonal changes, career shifts, family dynamics, and often, the weight of societal expectations. We're strong, yes, but we're also human. We have our struggles, our vulnerabilities, and our own need for support.
So, how can we check on our strong friends in a way that's meaningful and supportive?
Go beyond the "How are you?": Instead of a generic greeting, try something more specific, like, "I was thinking about you. How are you really doing?" or "I noticed you've been quiet lately. Everything okay?" This shows that you're paying attention and genuinely care.
Listen actively: When your friend opens up, truly listen without judgment or interruption. Create a safe space for her to share her feelings without offering unsolicited advice (unless she asks for it). Sometimes, just having someone listen is enough.
Offer practical support: Instead of just saying "Let me know if you need anything," offer concrete help. "Can I pick up your kids from school tomorrow?" or "I'm making a pot of soup. Can I bring you some?" Sometimes, it's the small, practical gestures that make the biggest difference.
Follow-up: Checking in once is great, but following up shows that you're genuinely invested in your friend's well-being. A simple text message or phone call a few days later can go a long way.
Don't assume everything is okay just because she says it is: Sometimes, we tell people we're fine even when we're not. Pay attention to your friend's body language and energy. If something seems off, trust your gut and gently probe further.
Encourage professional help: If your friend is struggling with something serious, encourage her to seek professional help. Let her know that therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness, and that there are resources available to support her.
Today, make a conscious effort to reach out to your “strong friends” and do this regularly, just because. Be intentional about creating a culture of support and sisterhood where we can all feel seen, heard, and loved. Because even the strongest woman needs a little grace sometimes. And sometimes, the strongest women need someone to ask, "Are you really okay?"
Resources:
If you need to talk to someone, these resources are confidential and available for free 24/7:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call: 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741
Disaster Distress Hotline: Call 1-800-985-5990, or text TALKWITHUS to 66-746
National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call1-800-799-7233 or text LOVES to 22-522